Anonymous asked: Do you have any advice on how to get a girl to marry you?
The best way is wait until she is about to marry some powerful, hot shot lawyer guy and then, at the last minute, interrupt her wedding in a safari outfit. Then explain how you might not have his money or his looks, but you just know you felt something real a few months ago when you were looking for treasure and she was just some emotionally distant tour guide.
“You killed a lot of people,” she might say.
Treat her concern as a joke and then she will laugh it off because you both realize that those “people” you killed lived on a different continent and does that even count? It’s like bombing Mars or something! Who gives a shit!?
Finally, she will see that she belongs with you and the angry lawyer guy will storm out. The groomsmen and wedding guests will remain in their assigned places during the modified ceremony, which is inexplicable so let’s not focus on that.
Finally some little old lady will say all matter-of-factly, “Well it’s about timesomeone here got married!”
Laugh really loud at this and then explain that what makes the woman’s statement even funnier is that she is so incredibly old and still cracking jokes when most people her age are cracking hips or have been rendered silent by exhaustion and poor health.
-tomoatmeal, the bitch won’t let me reblog him.
